Silent Screams
by ChildsHeart
Summary: She shouldn't have, it was an accident, but that's the way love works and now because she couldn't control her lust or love, she heart broken. Nothing in life seems worth it, so what happens at Christmas that makes her see why Fate plays games ll AU Fic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: I am purposely forgetting the plots in J.K Rowlings books. Aside from Harry's parents dead, Peter traitor, Harry boy wonder everything else is a distant memory. OK? Good.

Silent Screams 

My name is Aconite, and I'm known in school as the wolf, because that's what my name is also known as, Wolfsbane. But I have a secret, not a dark one, just a secret. My defence against the dark arts Professor, Sirius Black, yeah well…

I best not ruin the story for you.

But trust me when I say, this story is not meant for those who can't handle me. Although I'm called the wolf because of my name, some guys believe it's because I make the howl.

Even if I do, they can't prove it, besides logic shows I'm a virgin. A true and pure virgin who had only kissed a guy in forth year because he asked her out.

But please remember, logic isn't always right.

But I'm not saying that I'm not a virgin, but neither am I saying I am one.

Want me to let you on a secret that not man people would ever dare to guess? I'm a very bad girl. I like to set peoples robes on fire, and I'm rarely caught. Of course some of my teachers have caught me. I won't tell you who at the moment but you will find out soon.

So you know my name, but you don't know what I look like, well let me tell you. I have chocolate brown hair that refuses to do what I want. I leave it out and it looks flat. I put it in a ponytail it refuses to sit. I straighten it with magic and it looks dead, I tease it and it looks like an electric shock gone wrong.

My eyes look squinty if I am bored, pig like I guess you could say. But if I put mascara on, my eyes shine pretty well. The colour of my eyes is how you would describe poison. Green and bright.

I'm very tall for my age, -probably why I was almost fifteen before a guy asked me out- I almost reach six foot- model heights my mother told me- and I used to be a bit _chubby_, before I worked up enough courage to start jogging and eating better.

I had a descent pair of "twins" which I proudly like to show off at dances. But I have a slight problem… I'm failing a lot of my classes. Except for Defence Against the Dart Arts and Potions. But Charms, Transfiguration, History of Magic, Care of Magical Creatures and Astronomy…. Yeah well I only just scrape enough for a passing grade.

I've had tutors and all the help my teachers can give me, but I just sit there, nod my head and go uh-huh and not understand a word, especially for History of Magic. That's like telling me muggle physics. I'll nod my head all you like but in my mind I'll be going… maybe I should think about starting to dare to accept the fact that I have to start the pile of Homework sitting next to my bed.

Of course I eventually do finish the homework… a day late… maybe that's why I'm failing. Because every time I look at the homework pile I turn around and talk to someone.

Maybe I should have Hermione help me with it. Nah, she's probably too busy fighting with Ron while her sexual tension almost gets the better of her (if it hasn't already)

Of course, her best friend Ginny and her boyfriend Harry (frigin) Potter should get a room. Seriously, they're either snogging in the common room, or kissing each other cheeks in the Great Hall. Who knows what they're doing in the Room of Requirements.

Yes I know about the room, one of my ex-boyfriends showed me the room before he started to get _fresh_ on me and I quickly ran away. It wasn't that I wasn't ready, just that he was being forceful.

Now a day he has got a new girlfriend, I think her names Vivian; she was one of the friends of Cho-chang. But she was a year younger and when Cho left last year, she started to get a lot more boyfriends.

Rumour has it she been pregnant a few times, but they died when she said she was still a virgin. Her boyfriend (yes Freddy-don't-get-fresh-on-me) agreed on that fact, everyone stopped talking about it.

Of course, not long afterwards people started to talk about something else. They started to say that Draco was dating Hermione. After one look on Draco's face that died. Then a new one came out saying that Pansy and the Potions Master, Severus Snape had a _**Special**__relationship. _That to died when people looked at the expression on Pansy's face and her love affection to her boyfriend, Blaise Zambini.

Those two had came together in the summer holidays, or so they say. They meaning rumours, but for how many are lies, the two of them probably got together at the end of last year and Draco did not walk in on them and lose a fight to win Pansy back.

Seriously, she's pretty plain, why would anyone fight over her?

Speaking of plain, these chips my mother sent me are pretty plain, but god they are delicious, maybe I should run a bath in the prefect bathroom and eat them in there. But who knows who my accidentally walk in…. more reason to have a bath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Silent Screams**

You know that secret I was telling you about? Yeah well I have this funny feeling. That soon, very soon, someone is going to find out. What am I saying? That's improbable; no body will find out, I'm too good at keeping secrets.

Betty is going out with Jack behind Janice's back 

Okay let me rephrase that; I'm good at keeping my secrets.

…

Just as I thought, I am good at keeping my secrets.

Okay I think it's best if I start my story now, yes it is **my** story because I say so. _–Enter smirk- _that was uncalled for. Anyway, as I began, my story begins on the train to my last year of Hogwarts. I was sitting with Neville, Luna, Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione.

It seemed that everyone was doing his or her own thing. Neville was playing checking he had everything, Luna was reading the quibber, Hermione had her nose in _another_ book, Ron was watching the scenery pass by, Harry and Ginny were gazing into each other's eyes and I was trying to finish of my homework.

"Honestly Aconite, can't you ever finish your homework on time? Even Ronald and Harry did theirs in the holiday."

Two 'Hey's!' were heard at this comment, and Hermione just rolled her eyes. "It is wonder how you're doing so well in Defence Against the Dark Arts." I just smiled at her.

"She's probably sleeping with Snape to get a good mark in potions."

"Ugh, please refrain from the mental images Ginny." Ron said as he stuck his tongue out.

Fluttering my eyes I sat closer to Ron. "What, don't you like the image of me been naked and sweaty attractive?" The entire room was filled with red faces. "God can't any of you take a joke?" This was what I usually did to annoy all of them. Flirt with everyone, and make him or her go red. I once commented on Hermione's underwear and told her with the dress she was wearing it would be better for her to go with out underclothes.

Luna was the only one (aside from myself) who didn't go red at the comment. In fact she had the magazine upside down, which was used for a spell. Something like turning your opponent into a fly or something…

"Look, we've got another few hours to go, lets play a game."

"As long as it's not truth or dare." Hermione said behind her book. It seemed that she was reading the classic, _Wind and the Willows_.

"Of course not, we should play strip truth or dare, if you won't do the dare or tell the truth, you strip." I smiled at everyone brightly.

"I'm in." Luna said as she placed the Quibber is her bag and looked up at us.

"I'll be in too." Neville said. From then on, everyone joined in. Including Hermione.

"Okay, everyone knows how it works, and I'll start, and I go truth."

"Aconite, when we were at Grimmauld Place, where were you in the middle of the night, Hermione and myself woke up to you coming in and creeping to your bed."

"Err…" As I tried to get out of it, I had a flashback of what I had been doing.

_"Hello stranger."_

_"Hello luv."_

_"I'm still failing, will you help me pass?"_

_"Of course I will."_

"Err… Aconite, you right?" Ron's puzzling face made me realize I had just dug myself in a hole.

"Sorry, just remembering something." I waved off what just happened and took my jacket off. "So Ron, truth or dare?"

I guess it was a stupid idea to suggest such a game. A fair few times I came close to being caught out. I would either be asked 'what is your most hidden secret that none of us know?'

Or

'Have you ever slept with someone, if so whom?'

I guess I was smart enough not to say 'let's you a truth potion' because then I would be in deep shit. And my million one-night stands with the same guy wouldn't keep going on.

Neither of us loves each other.

We're just using each other

And of course the feeling's mutual.

Well, by the end of the trip, I was in a bra and underwear, Hermione had her shirt on, which was long enough to hide her underwear and Ginny and Luna had yet to lose something, aside from their robes.

We had decided that it was better to just tell the truth, and we had locked and soundproofed and fogged up the glass so anyone who looks in sees nothing but a murky amount of colours that you can't tell what's what.

So when Harry and Ron finally got out of their shirts and Neville stood with everything he had on in the beginning of the game. I decided it was time to get dressed because we had about ten minutes until the train would stop. So as everyone got dressed (me taking the longest) I tried not to think about what had started last year and continued over the holidays.

"Come on Aconite, we want to get a carriage before they all fill up and we have to share with Slytherins." I smiled at Ginny before loosening my tie and following her out.

"So… have you slept with a guy?" Ginny's sly look made her want to strangle her. Of course I smiled at her and told her in a sugar voice.

"I'll tell you if you tell me if you have."

She looked at where Harry was and blushed such a bright red that it clashed with her hair. A mischievous grin spread upon my mouth.

"Does Ronnikins know about it?"

"No…. but don't tell him."

"I won't, but if I go under the influence and tell it's your fault for telling me."

"Any way, so have you?"

"I thought it was obvious I had." Winking at her I climbed into the carriage.

"Who with?" She questioned, and at that I hid behind my hair.

"Who did what?" Ron asked.

"Oh Aconite was just telling me that she had-"

Talking fast, I opened my mouth and said over the top of Ginny, "Ron do you know that Harry and Ginny have-"

Ginny spoke up louder and said quickly, realising her mistake, "A few beers over the holidays."

"Oh… Harry and Ginny did what?" He looked at the happy couple that refused to meet eye contact.

"Oh, they only strip danced in front of me, quite a sight."

"Oh." Realising I was joking he smiled softly before returning his gaze out of the window. "Takes my breath away every time I see it." Looking out the window and following his gaze I smiled and nodded my head in agreement.

"Ron, you find food takes your breath away every time you see it." Rolling my eyes at Hermione, I thought of something to say.

"Hermione?"

"Yes? 

"Have you ever shagged a guy?"

"What? No."

"Well then you better shag Ron, because you two are the only ones who haven't shagged yet."

"Ginny and Harry hav-"

"Aconite!" Ginny said huffily.

"You shagged my sister?!" Oops… I guess I got carried away with the moment… and I guess I can't keep a secret, well someone else' secret. Mine is perfectly safe.

"Well what about Luna and Neville?" Hermione said in a matter-of-factly voice.

"Neville, what did you do over the summer?"

"I slept with my girlfriend…" He said nervously.

"That's excellent, she's a muggle isn't she?"

"One of Gran's mates daughter, we see each other over the holidays a lot." I smiled brightly at him before turning to Luna.

"Luna, last year, what happened between you and… what's-his-name?"

"Hmmm… Jesse? We got carried away in an empty classroom, we heard a strange noise in the in the room next to it… I think it was the Defence Against the Dark Arts room. "

I choked, before turning it into a cough, "Probably one of Professor Black's creatures."

"Maybe… but it sounded a lot like me and Jess-"

"Anyway, my point is proven."

"How do you know about those two anyway?"

"Simple, I was at the party when I saw Neville lead his girlfriend to his bedroom and the next morning hen I heard his Gran shouting at him because their clothes were still in the room. I think her knickers were on the door handle…"

"Can we move on?" Neville said as he turned bright red.

"Of course we can Neville, and I saw Luna and Jesse's sneaking out later. One of them had their underwear fall out of their pockets before quickly picking it up."

"That would have been Jesse, I was wearing a skirt at the time."

"And how did you know about Ginny and Harry?" Hermione had her hands crossed over chest as she blushed through the entire conversation.

"Ginny told me when she asked if I had slept with a guy."

"So who was it?" Ginny asked, "It's only fair since you old everyone else who they were sleeping with."

"Oh I couldn't tell you, that would be disgraceful, you'd have to find out whom it is."

"Give us a hint."

"He's not in our year and he goes to our school."

"That narrows it down?" Ginny said rolling her eyes.

"Well it obviously isn't a first, seconde or third year, I'm not that bad, and he's not in forth."

"So fifth or sixth then?"

"Oh look we've arrived." I said before completely blocking out their questions and pretending I didn't hear the last one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Silent Screams**

Ah the beginning of school feasts. How I love it more then a lot of blokes. Just not including Ron, he loves food more then I love my deep red nail polish, and I always make sure I've got a back-up of that because it looks so sexy.

But I'm talking about food not my most sexiest/expensive nail polish. I mean the sorting was interesting with the Hat's new song and the applauding and short firsties that had water balloons (filled with honey) crashed on them by Peeves. Professor Mcgonagall cleaned them up after threatening to bring the Bloody Baron after him.

And it was all good and all, but come on, cream and strawberries, hot pancakes and jelly. And my all time favourite, Pavlova cake. Merlin I almost died when it touch my tongue.

But before all that happened, Dumbledore made a speech and just before it ended I shouted out –because I was desperate for that piece of cake, my mother hates anything with sugar in the house- "Just let me have my Pavlova!" After a slight chuckle (through out the entire school including half the teachers) he said we could eat.

So when it cam to dessert and I shouted out for all to hear 'My precious.' The school laughed at me as I slowly ate it savouring each mouthful.

After the grand feast, I was happy enough to skip to the Fat Lady portrait and smile ever so brightly at her. "Good day Ms Lady." I never called her fat, and for that reason she always smiled politely at me.

"Oh dear, your back, I guess I'm going to have to worry about a lot of gossip going on."

My face went blank. "What ever do you mean?"

"There are portrait's everywhere Miss Crimson, even in the classrooms." I avoided my gaze and pretended I had no idea what she meant before saying the password and stepping in.

Walking to my dorm, I saw my trunk next to the bed with the window. Smiling I jumped on the bed and started to unpack my things. After a few minutes, my bedside was covered with a photo of my muggle friends and me. They lived next door to me. Clarissa and Sabrina on left and Monique and Isabelle on the right.

Clarissa and Sabrina are twins, while Monique and Isabelle are cousins who live together because Monique's mother died and her Father went missing.

In the photo, Clarissa had bunny ears to my head and I had bunny ears to Monique, whose cousin was pulling a funny face while Sabrina looked gorgeous as ever. I smiled at the photo in the silver frame with the words 'friends'.

"Her Aconite, what's up?" Hermione was bright and happy.

"Oh just looking at my friends."

"Your neighbours?"

"Yeah, we all go to boarding schools, only theirs is a muggle one."

"Oh before I forget, Harry and Ron have sworn to find out who you're seeing and who you're sleeping with."

"Same person."

"Do you love him?"

"Nope and the feeling is mutual, we just are together for the benefits."

"Sleeping together?"

"There's more to it then that, but that certainly is a highlight." I gave her a sinister grin before taking my pyjamas into the bathroom where I showed and changed.

I love my shower gel; it smells like my favourite muggle designers perfume Jean Paul Gautier, although it's labelled vanilla and cinnamon. I find it the most irresistible smell and so does my… _partner. _

And I love my shampoo and conditioner. They smell like apples and strawberries. So now I'm a spicy, fruity girl… god I smell delicious.

"So Hermione, how do you propose they're going to find out who I am with?"

"Some stupid plan, probably watching your every move."

"I see… well I'll be right back then." Drying my hair I stepped out of the girl's seventh year dorm in my short satin, hot pink shorts and my shirt too short to wear any where that has 'bite me' on it with lips on the 'e'.

Making sure the boys were still downstairs I quickly headed up the girls staircase and retrieved the Marauder's Map. Before bolting down and up the stairs to the girls.

Behind closed curtains that I made sure were sound proofed I began my mischievous work.

Opening it up, I muttered the words "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." Seeing where he was, I waited until I thought everyone was asleep. Then I grabbed my cloak and stepped into the corridor.

"I know what you're up to Miss Crimson."

"What do you want in turn of not telling any students?"

"Nothing, you've been a very nice girl, and when he was younger he was nice to me, not like you were but he was most likely trying to get in when he had forgotten the password."

"So we're good as long as I remain being nice to you?"

"Yes."

"Okay then, bye Ms Lady." With that I check the coast was clear and walked in the direction of the secret passage way to the floor above his. After climbing down the staircase I made sure he was awake, and he was sitting at his desk, most likely writing up tomorrows lesson.

Knocking on his door, I muttered Mischief managed and tucked held onto the parchment. "Ah Miss Crimson, taking people property to get here are you?" His eyes darted from the parchment in my hand to my eyes.

"Me steal? Never, I was only borrowing with out permission, besides they were going to use it to find out my dark secret."

"Oh, and what would that be?"

"Who I've been sleeping with, we were playing truth… and it got out of hand on the first, so I kept passing, and since it was strip truth I was left in my bra and knickers." I pouted as he shut the door behind me.

"Come sit down and tell me what else happened."

"Well I then found out Harry and Ginny slept with each other, and I got carried away with the moment and told everyone in the carriage."

"Go on."

"Well before that I told Hermione and Ron t shag because they were the only one who hadn't and that's how I said that Harry and Ginny had, then I told them Luna and Neville had, not with each other…" I said as I looked at his raised eyebrow.

"But after that I found out that Luna had shagged Jesse in the room next to this one, the empty classroom that's only used when a classroom can't be used or a new class comes in or whatever…"

"And why is that bad?"

"Because it was the first day in the Christmas holidays."

"Oh."

"Yes… but I told her it was probably one of your creatures but then she said it sounded like what she and Jesse had sounded like, and then I avoided that conversation before it moved back onto who I was shagging and I said that he wasn't in our year and he goes to this school."

"Hmm… ever Hermione wouldn't of been able to guess who it is."

"Nope."

"So… Miss Wolf, you still having trouble with writing essays for Defence Against the Dark Arts? Or are you good and don't need me to tutor you anymore."

"Before I answer that, you need to answer my question, do you love me?"

"I'm sorry no I don't."

"Do you lust me bad."

"Yes."

"Then yes Sirius I am doing horribly in my writing for Defence Against the Dark Arts and I need you to _tutor_ me bad."

Ha ha ha, the funny thing about my relationship with Sirius is that he's a freaking sex machine. Now you're probably wondering how the hell did a girl my age get with a teacher, well here's a blast from the past.

_"Miss Crimson, stay behind please." I guess he caught me setting Olivia's robes on fire, but it was an accident, how was I suppose to know incendio meant fire when I pointed it at her robes? _

_Shut up_

_So it was sixth year and Sirius shut the classroom door and turned to face me. He was angry, but he wasn't going to praise it either, no matter how funny it was to see a girl running around saying 'I'm going to die oh god.' _

_But she was a witch and witches have magic powers. So when Hermione had rolled her eyes and put out the fire and she was still running around going 'oh god' I burst out laughing and gave it away._

_"Aconite, why did you do that to Olivia?" _

_"Err… she was annoying, she kept flirting with Harry and Ron." I smiled brightly in hopes of getting to lunch soon._

_"I could have handled that." He said looking me straight in the eye._

_"Well… she was commenting with her friends who'd she rather date, although your name came up she had said Snape." The expression on his face told me either that my innocent girl look was bloody hilarious _(which I found out later was_) or that she chose Snape over him (_which was also true_) "Of course I would of chosen you."_

_"You would've eh?"_

_"Yes, you've got a nice arse, and my aunt says that you use to have a lot of girls when you were a student here."_

_"Yes well I was better looking back then."_

_"Nah, you were just immature with the sluts, besides you look sexy now." _(At that moment I wish I had shot myself for saying that) 

_"Are you sure you're not lying to get out of detention?" Although he was sexy (I admit that very much) I was flirting with him to get out of detention._

_"Maybe, or maybe I'm flirting with you so you would give me a better mark on my essays."_

_"You mean the ones you hand in late or the ones you forget to hand in at all?"_

_"Both?"_

_He shook his head and winked at me, "Although I'd love to, you're too young for me." _

_"That's not true, you could screw anyone you like if you wanted to and no one would care."_

_"You a virgin?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Well as long as that's cleared up I'll think about it, now go get lunch."_

_Next lesson I waited until everyone left before going up to talk to him, "Thought about it yet?" _

_Of course he just smirked and shook his head. "No luv, I haven't."_

_After three lessons of asking him the same question I came up to him one day after he caught me setting someone else's robes on fire. "Have you thought about it?" _

_"Nope." Without even turning around I had locked the door and silenced it. _

_"I have a lot of tension." He raised an eyebrow, "Most of it needs some _tutoring _care to help me release that tension." By then I had climbed onto his desk. Before he could even answer I had climbed onto him and started to kiss him, he didn't even hesitate in returning it with an equal amount of fire and lust._

Yeah… Well I was always the one to chase a boy, but I never forced him into something he didn't want. I kissed him, if he hadn't kissed me back I would of stayed low and we both would of pretended that I did nothing…

Though we do that in class. (Note: I did not say class_room_) I come back to him later. And just so you know, don't screw him every _night_, just everyday that end in 'Y' (jokes)

In reality, I probably screw him when I have the sense of danger of being caught. It gives me an adrenaline rush that makes it so good. So if you hear a noise coming from the room next to Great Hall on the night of the Halloween ball… ignore it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Silent Screams**

It had been a normal week for me; I got a detention in Transfiguration for setting Ricky's robes on fire (He deserved it, my thigh belongs to me and… well my professor) not him. Perverted bastard he's worse then Freddy. He has a girlfriend who (ironically) is also seeing a girl. It's a wonder how he hasn't realised yet. Oh wait, he's stupider then me. Aside from that it was still pretty normal, I found out Harry was going to go see Sirius at eight so at seven I paid him a visit. A seconde before he knocked on the door I had fixed my hair into a (almost) neat ponytail.

"Hey Aconite what are you doing here?"

"Tutoring." 

"But your passing Defence Against the Dark Arts pretty well."

"That's because I'm tutoring her."

"That makes sense, are you getting extra lessons in Potions?"

"My father was a brilliant chef and my mother was excellent in potions, they rubbed off on me."

"Oh ok."

"Bye luv." With that I walked out the room in my robe, with my underwear in my pocket as I walked to the girls bathroom.

As you can see my life was normal. I went to class, stayed in after class to be lectured about putting peoples robes on fire, or for forgetting my homework. But I have to say, potions was a very interesting class. We were working on a potion for transforming a muggle, stationary item, like one of those flamingos, into something that moves, like a real flamingo.

When we were told our partners, I was (sadly) placed with Draco Malfoy. Don't get me wrong, he's an ok looking guy, but god he annoys me. With his big talk no action (a lot like his father I hear) third year was bad enough with the 'I'm dying.' It was a broken arm, god I broke my leg and cracked my skull from jumping out of a tree and I didn't cry.

"Hey wolf, have you made any guys howlllllll lately?" Stepping close to him I grabbed his manhood.

"If I have, you will be the first to know." Squeezing his balls I heard an 'ooooooooowwwwwww' from his before I returned to my potion and neatly sliced up my newt tail. Humming a song that suspiciously sounded like 'I believe in a thing called love' "Guitar." I sang softly before adding the final ingredient, monkshood. (I bet he picked it out just to smile at me as I grimly placed it in.)

The entire time I had been preparing the potion, Draco had been crouching on his stool, unable to sit, but pained to stand straight. "What's the matter Malfoy? Wolf got your balls?" I said before bottling the potion and handing it to Snape. Although I wouldn't admit it out loud, Snape was an ok guy as long as you stayed far out of his way. Needless to say, he didn't think much of me and I didn't think much of him.

So when he looked at me and asked, "What's wrong with Malfoy?" I shrugged my shoulders and replied that he should ask Draco since I was completely clueless on the fact. Of course it didn't take him long to figure out what happened. "Five points from Gryffindor." I had nodded my head and began doodling on my parchment, the notes in front of me lay their waiting for me too write them down.

OK I honestly thought I had locked the door. I was just lucky that I was under the desk when he walked in. (I heard the door knob turning and I quickly crawled under while Sirius pulled his chair in (yes he was already in the chair coughshutupcough)) And when that happened I heard Harry's voice saying "Sirius, things are happening that's weird." My first thought running through my head was _your seventeen and only realising this now?_ Before he stared to speak again. "I can't find Aconite at all, and I've misplaced the marauder's map, I haven't taken it out of my trunk and Ron and Hermione witness me place it in."

Oops.

"Hmm… I wonder what happened to it." You know what I'm glad about right now? That the desk is one of those with a back that goes right down to the floor, so you have to be on Sirius' side to see me. But sadly I can't see Harry.

So instead of listening to the conversation I go back to what I was doing earlier. And by the Strange swallowing Sirius was doing and the groaning as he coughed and tried to find displeasure in what I was doing, made it obvious what I was doing to him and me, just not Harry.

"Are you alright Sirius?"

"Oh I'm fine, just a bit sick."

"Maybe you should go to the hospital wing for a potion-"

"It's fine I took medicine recently."

"You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, and mate, you problem is easily solved. Take a good nights rest and ask Aconite in the morning where she was, I bet you she would say she was just getting some tutoring. And the map? You've probably rolled it up in a shirt or pants, or something like that." I could feel him grinning as Harry left, before Sirius locked and silenced the door.

"Are you bloody mad?" He said to me as I giggled.

"Oh lighten up, by the way you were shifting Harry thought you had a prank played on you and you didn't want to admit it."

"You could of gotten us caught."

"Oh come on, I know you liked it." It was funny, but I was still crouched under the desk. "Besides I like it here, there's no gum and plenty of sights to see."

"Get out from there." Zipping up his pants he moved the chair from my path before having me stand up. "Do you seriously want us o get caught?"

"No, but I do adore the adrenaline rush."

"If you keep misbehaving Aconite I'm going to have to teach you a lesson."

One of my pouts came on, "But I hate lessons."

Grinning he bound my arms together with his wand, "Not this one, you will love it."

After a few hours of… my lesson… I went back to Gryffindor tower. Only to find that Harry, Hermione and Ron were awake. Damn.

"Where were you?" Harry said as he stood up crossing his arms, it seemed I was more loved then I thought (in more ways then one)

"I was getting tutored, then I got punished for doing something bad." I had my hands in front of me and as I pouted, "The punishment hurt." And it did, but god did the hurting feel like heaven. Maybe I should go back later…

Nah, I've had my night of fun. But that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be fun.

"How did it hurt?" Hermione asked and then as my mind realised what she meant, I felt really, really stupid. It hurt me on my arse, but knowing the usual punishment, I don't see how that could work, damn and I was so good at not lying

_Liar_

Shut-up

"Oh, my arm hurts, well my wrist, you know wrist cramp." I shrugged my shoulders and smiled innocently. I might be slightly stupid, but I think that they are giving me that look which means _'You've got to be kidding me.'_ "Would I ever lie to you?"

"Yes." They all said at once.

"Hey maybe she was with her boyfriend." Ron stated, as he looked me up and down. "It would explain why her hair is more messy then usual." Oh bugger, I'm caught in the headlights like a deer.

"I was being tutored."

"What did you learn then?"

What I wanted to say was, _Handcuffs can heart but having you hands being bound is just fun and kinky, especially when you go to class the next day and you see the same spot your naked arse was on has a hand leaning on it as hey tell the teacher something._

_Suckers_

Of course that would of given a way what I was really doing so instead, I shrugged my shoulders and walked up the staircase and had a nice soothing shower for my smell.

After that I placed he map back in Harry's trunk and went to bed.

"Did you return the map?"

"Yes, but what if he's looking at the map now?"

"So what if he is? Doesn't it give you an adrenaline rush?"

"So what if it do-" But before I could even finish the word he was leaning on me who was leaning on the desk. I'm surprised it hasn't broken yet. But you know what's really funny? Half way through there was a knock on the door. We stopped before hurriedly getting dressed. And you know who it was? Ron, Hermione and Harry (frigin) Potter.

When he came in, I realised that on the floor behind the door was my bra. Goddamn it wasn't fair. So after sneaking behind the door and picking it up, I stuffed it in my robe pocket. "Hey Sirius, is Aconite in there? The map says she is."

Taking a few steps back, I peaked round the door. "Hello guys." I said smiling, trying not to scream at them for interrupting me at a crucial time. Taking a few breaths, I stepped in front of Sirius, "So what are you here for?" I am trying not to sound suspicious.

"Can we come in?"

What I wanted to do was slam he door and then jump Sirius' bones. But…

"Sure." Ooooooooh Shit

"Hermione, Ron and myself were wondering about the relationship between you two guys."

"Why would you want to know that Harry?"

"On the map…" Hermione trailed off going a brighter red then Ron's hair colour.

"You err… were awfully close…" Harry trailed off, not meeting my self or Sirius' eyes.

"And we thought that you might have been…"

"Your as red a tomatoes spit it out." I knew what they were going to say so I decided to torture them a little bit. 

"It looked like you were having sex." I took one look at their face and stared to laugh.

"Sorry, but seeing your face is so funny, you can't even say sex without going red, I mean what would happen if I said blow-"

"Were you?" Hermione interrupted.

"Giving him a blow job? Oh he has to ask for that." They rolled their eyes as I played my usual self, getting them into uncomfortable conversations.

"No!" Hermione shouted before going a deeper shade of red. I looked back at the boys and saw they were concentrating hard on a piece of carpet, it seemed I was talking about _exciting_ things.

"Oh lighten up, do you really think that I could sleep with Sirius? Because if you did, then give me a reason why I would do that."

"Err… to get better marks?" What a guess.

"I'm hurt Ron, deeply hurt that you would think that I can't get better marks, I'm good at magic."

"Just not the writing."

"So you think I'm sleeping with Snape to get a good mark in potions then eh?"

"No…"

"Then don't assume things until you've got your facts right, god guys I'm not stupid, I'm lazy, now go away, I need more tutoring." As they walked out with ashamed faces, I locked the door and burst out laughing.

"Well that was heated." Sirius said as he took a step closer to me.

"Want t get more heated." Without even letting him answer I grabbed his shirt and dragged him closer, "Because god it felt good to be almost caught." In return for that he just smirked and undid my shirt.

"What happened to the bra?" Oh… right, in my pocket, I forgot about that. Glancing down at my robe pocket I saw it was half out.

"Oops."


	5. Chapter 5

**Silent Truth**

I was lucky, really, really lucky. None of them had noticed the bra, and if they had, they didn't say anything. So from then on I was careful not to be caught like that, no matter how much of an adrenaline rush I would get…

Who am I kidding, I love it, the adrenaline rush that is, it's so much better then the scratches on my back when we got a little carried away, and trust me, that was sexy pain. You're probably wondering when that happened; well it was yesterday, yep, the same day as the Trio incident. But I'm over it (the trio incident that it), so now I need to do something more productive then fretting over what had happened then getting an adrenaline rush before racing off to Sirius' room and stripping his clothes off. I should probably start on that charms homework that was due in two hours ago. Or maybe the transfiguration that was due in yesterday or possibly that Defence Against-

"Hey Aconite?" Damn I lost my trail of thought, did she have to interrupt me. God she was almost as worse as… well Ron. Wow they're really are a perfect match.

"Yeah Hermione?" I looked up from the spot of wood I was looking at before my mind drifted from the crawling insect to the free time thing.

"I was wondering…" She trailed of as she began to fidget with a piece of string that was unravelling from her robe. "Since we're good friends and all…" I was going to tap my foot impatiently, only my fingers bet it to it. "If you would be nice enough to tell me who you're-"

"No."

"What about a hint."

"No."

"Why?"

"Hermione, you're an extremely bright witch, so figure it out for yourself." So then I went back to thinking about which homework would be better to start.

I came to the conclusion that, Sirius' clothes were a very productive way to spend my free time. He agreed with me but said I should start at least one of the homework assessments. I already know what I want to do when I finish Hogwarts, and that's start my own business as a coffee shop. It would be yummy. And after closing time, I could make myself waffles.

"You know what's weird?"

"What?"

"That we haven't used the bed yet."

"Luv, Hogwarts beds are never as fun as desks and chains."

"…"

"Want tot test it out?"

"Yeah sure, why not? What's the worse that could happen?"

I should have been named Jinx, or something like that, because when ever I open my mouth and say 'What's the worst that could happen?' The worst happens and I'm like ugh. I think I'm going pre-maturely grey.

_Somewhere in the distance someone yell __**bullshit**_

Ok, maybe pre-mature greying isn't true but…

Moving on, so as we're testing out the theory I find that chains are dead sexy. When all of a sudden there's a knock at the door. Now, I could either pretend nothing is going on and play dead or…

I could use magic to get out of these chains, put my robe on, hide my clothes under the desk and do all that in ten seconds or…

Well that's all my choices really.   
In the end, Sirius leaves me and sneaks through the door, leaving me enough time to get fully dressed (with out my underwear, seeing as how they're missing), hide the chains in his desk, and fix my hair to a neat-ish look before putting my shoes and socks on and peaking through the keyhole to see Frigin Potter talking to his god father.

Stepping back, I accidentally crashed into a chair that banged the table, which fell to the floor with a loud **crash**. Needless to say, Harry opened the door to see what caused the loud noise and saw me, with my back to him, fixing it up. I turned my head around to face him and gave an apologetic smile before fixing the chair.

"What are you doing here Aconite?"

"Err… I came here to ask a question, because I was told that Sirius was very good at transfiguration in his year and I rather not go see Mcgonagall at the moment, because of the last incident I had." In my head that sounded brilliant, but as the last word came out, it sounded like a load of cock and bull.

"Uh-huh."

"I'll be on my way now." Walking past the two boys, I pretended that I wasn't blushing as red as a tomato. But I knew that I had blown my cover so bad that I bet the entire school will know in three seconds.

But they didn't, the entire school including Harry, Hermione and Ron did not know that I had a relationship with a teacher. But I knew that Harry was very suspicious, Hermione knew something was up and Ron was getting more outrageous ideas by the second.

Sadly though, Ginny was getting impatient about where the three were off to lately and was beginning to follow them. When she could not find them, Ginevra Weasley would wait until they came to the common room and shout at them (mainly Harry).

Now, some of you might think that I am overreacting about

Harry, he did give me the thrill of being caught but… he is also almost catching me in action. I pray that I'll be safe for just a little bit more, because Christmas is three weeks away and I'll be safe then. Unless Harry isn't going to the burrow for Christmas, then I'm screwed. But with my luck (or none of) I might be able to scrape enough for no Harry at Christmas.

…

I have feeling that people are either laughing at me or thinking 'wow she must suck balls' for those of you who say the seconde one, please turn to the previous chapter. If such chapter has been edited, well… poor you.

At the moment I'm sitting in Charms, looking blankly at the Professor as he asks me a question that we learnt last week. I can see out the corner of my eye that Hermione knows the answer, so I take a wild guess and say "1918?"

"No Miss Crimson, the Answer is no." The entire class laughs at my stupidity. My cheeks go as red as my last name and I feel like hitting my head. With a _thud_ my head bangs on the desk. Why is it I can't process writing information but magic comes easily, I can learn a spell easily once I see it but remembering dates and times is impossible.

My fingers curled around the quill, taking a deep breath, I looked over my notes and began to write. Something inside of me needed to write; it needed to write down everything I was feeling. Like a big burst of inspiration from a muse I wrote down every word. Don't worry so much, I'm not sick, this isn't homework, no this, that I'm writing is my Diary. I know stupid eh? And I'm very careful where I place it and what charms and spells I place on it so only I can touch it without words coming up and deleting (temporarily) everything I wrote and replacing it with F-U-C-K O-F-F or else.

But I needed to write about what I felt right now; my head was spinning. As the quill scratched against the page, I felt something weird as I recounted everything. When I finished sixteen pages of writing I knew what it was. Locking the diary and placing the Charms on the fluffy cover, I tucked the quill in one of the pages of my romance novel. Hiding it under one of my mattresses I snuck out without the map. As I came to his door, I knocked. He answered after the third knock.

"Is it okay to come in?" Nodding he opened the door wider. As I walked in, I familiarised myself with the place. Turning around to face him I choked out a sob. "Sirius, help me."

"What's wrong?"

"I-I can't do this anymore, I can't fall in love with you, I long to every day, feel your hands, I lust you so bad I'm falling for you." A tear escaped one of my eyes and fell down my face. "Why do you make me feel like chocolate in the sun, why, why, WHY!?" I screamed the last why with my eyes shut tightly and the tears rolling down my face. "I don't want to fall in love." Falling down onto my knees I banged against the wood. "I wasn't supposed to love anyone ever."

I felt his hold me and stroke my hair softly, my hands clasped his shirt. "Why do you make my heart race with the thought of you smiling, why can't you just be a great fuck?" Taking a deep breath to calm myself I looked up at him, "I know at the moment I look like shit, but I need the truth, I don't care how much it's going to hurt but I need it, do you love me?"

It seemed he had to stop and think about the question, seeing if he really did love me or if it was all to him a good fuck. "No." He whispered, and with that I stood up, I smiled grimly at him and wiped my face of the back of my hand.

"Well I don't want you to get caught and in trouble, I love that much that I rather watch you from I a distance then to see you get caught. Squeezing his hand one last time I walked out of the room.

Perhaps if I had looked back, I would have seen his heartbreak and him face the door with the remains of my heart smashed in his hand.

As I shut the door behind me, I knew it was for the greater good, if we were caught and they found out whom I loved, Sirius would surely be sacked. It was a strange feeling, like if the world would end, I'd be ok with it because there's nothing to work for.

It's funny how that was my thought on a Sunday, but later, in a few weeks that is, my thoughts were so very, very different.

But we're not there yet, at the moment I'm sulking in bed when Ginny finds me. She'd been trying to find the other's, who were probably trying to find me. If they had the map, then they knew where I was and was probably not looking for me, but found something else of interest.

"Hey Aconite, what's wrong."

"Life, the universe and everything else."

"What happened?"

"I thought I didn't love him, I don't fall for people Ginny, I lust them, then as I was writing about how I felt to him in my diary, I felt strange as if his smile could make everything possible. Then as I kept on writing I realised slowly what that meant and I told him why we couldn't see each other any more, because I shouldn't love him and he doesn't love me."

"Whoa that's rough, want to grab some chocolate in the kitchens and get pissed?"

"Yeah why not."

"You're sooooooooooo lucky Ginny, did you know that you have a boyfriend who luuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrves you?"

"I did, but this isn't about me, we're here so you can get drunk and have fun."

"Yes welllllllll, I find hogshead a weallly weird name, I mean why Hogshead? Why not Hogs breath?"

"Because they both sound equally as worth as each other." Then the two of us fell into a fit of giggles.

"Shhhhh." I said before whispering in a not so quiet voice, "We should still be in Hogwarts grounds, if they find out."

"Who cares?"- Hiccup-:I'm having fun, you're having fun, I could kiss you for having a rotten day to give us a reason to get pissed." I turned my head and kissed her on the lips.

"Nah, I like you as a friend but you said to kiss you so I did."

"No silly I said I could kiss you."

"Oh… well it was still a kiss."

"Yeah, maybe we should go back now."

"Yeah, I'm"- yawn- "Sleepy." Linking arms, Ginny and I walked back to the secret passageway, while the manager of the store was distracted with a costumer. As we arrived at the girl's staircase, we went to our separate dorms, and I, myself, collapsed on the bed and slept through the rest of the night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Silent Screams**

After the drunken night, I was busy distracting myself from my heart that I didn't realise that I was failing all of my classes, and I really do mean all of them. I guess that me distracting my heart meant to not pay attention to anything. People talk and I nodded in agreement and shook in disagreement, I asked for people to pass the salt and I said please and thank you.

I even did more homework, but, when it came to homework that I did, I just wrote, I didn't feel writing and I didn't read what I had written. In fact I had stains covering half the page and potions in cracked vials. I didn't even notice when my shirt caught fire and singed my skin, because I didn't care.

I was surprised when I was in potions to be called to the Deputy Headmistresses office. But I should have suspected something was off the day before when the teacher didn't even bother giving me my homework back. But me in my heartache hadn't noticed. My friends started to worry two weeks after the drunken night when I never appeared at lunch or dinner and I was never in DADA. Some of that was because I was too busy in the bathroom throwing up. My heart hurt so much that the food tasted like air.

As I was in the Deputy Headmistresses room, I stared at the wall. My hair felt messy and worse then it should, my clothes sat uncomfortably on me, and I felt like going into Hogsmede and buying pixie dust, a lethal drug that even a few grams of an overdose could kill you. As I sat looking at the wall, the deputy Headmistress and my Head of House Professor Mcgonagall, had a thin line of a frown. Maybe it was the blank eyes that stared right through her to the wall she hadn't covered with a photo, it was a blank wall and it felt like the place my heart felt like, empty and lonely.

"Aconite Crimson?"

"Yes?"

"How are you feeling."

"Five by five."

"Is something bothering you, you seem to be failing in everything, including DADA and Potions."

"Does it matter, I want to own a café, all this talk of school is nothing to my passion of baking and coffee with a few side dishes."

"I see."

"Professor?"

"Yes?"

"Does it hurt when you die?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because I feel so much pain, so much discomfort and yet I feel nothing at all." After that moment, I seemed to of seen nothing and felt everything. I felt anger and sadness, but I remember nothing but the feeling. From the flashes of memory I can remember though, I think it was something to do with school, nothing to do with my love life. I guess she might of thought I was being mistreated but I knew better, oh I knew so much better.

Blondie's song, _Heart of Glass_ continued to come into my head and before I knew it, I would start humming the damn song. It never made much sense until now, but such is life. Ha and that motto, by the Australian Ned Kelly, from the year 1880, that too never really made sense until now. But now everything I've heard about love and heartache and life makes sense, but magic. Magic seems to slip through my fingertips like water. I can hold onto some of it for a few seconds before it disappears, gone, never to return.

Every time someone asks me how I am, I look right through them and smile a sadistic smile, "Why don't you ask someone you don't already know the answer to that question to." But I would feel guilty then and run away quickly. Then a few days later I would apologize for being rude.

A day before the holidays, Hermione found me throwing up. She held my hair back and rubbed my back. When I finished I looked I walked to the sink and rinsed my face before brushing my teeth. "Aconite?"

"Ask me how I feel and I'll kill you in your sleep." In the mirror I could see her eyes widen in horror before she swallowed and said to me, "What's bothering you?"

I laughed and turned around, "Oh that's rich, ask me a question, do you think I haven't noticed you? You don't care about me, you don't talk to me, and you can't even ask me how's my day going?"

"I do, and every time you tell me to shove off." Her eyes showed so much fiery anger that I collapsed on the ground in a heap with my hand in the sink still clutching a toothbrush and the tears rolling down my face.

"Something is wrong with me Hermione, I-I can't think straight, I can't breathe right and I feel wrong, I feel empty but full, help me." I choked out a sob as I finished my rambling. I felt her kneel down and I dropped the toothbrush in the sink. I felt her stroke my hair, and hold me like Sirius did. Surprisingly I stayed, I felt like running, but being held like that felt calm, I felt safe.

Then I had to run to the toilet and throw-up again. As I felt safe, I remembered things that he would whisper into my ear as he thought I slept, things I repressed and forced to the back of my mind, behind lock and key. "You're so sick lately."

Standing up, I waved what she said off, I wasn't sick, I was heartbroken, and the only way to get over that is to try and forget him. They say love is blind, but I say love is a rose, beautiful until you grab it tightly. They also say love is a bed of roses, watch out for the pricks, I say love is pool of sharks, just waiting to drag you under.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth, and for once, I let Hermione brush my hair, after that, she ran through it with a comb to get out the smaller nots that slipped between the brush. I dressed in clean clothes and looked up at her. "I ache all over." I lent my head into her shoulder as I tried to stay calm.

"I know you don't want to, but would you please tell me his name?"

"No." It was my answer, and it would always be that until he said what happened. It's my story to tell, but not my life to throw away, Sirius loves his job almost as much as I love him. God I can't even put 'ed' on the end of love, I might as well get drunk again because there's no way I'm going to feel any better.

Instead of going to lunch, I headed to the kitchens, hungry for tomato's, I needed something juicy that wasn't sweet and the first thing that came to my mind was tomato. I asked for it to be diced and I'd eat it with a spoon. After interrupting Hermione from trying to tell them that they should work differently, I told her that although I think house elves are miss-treated, Hogwarts house elves are treated like royalty by the staff. She shut her mouth after I told her I would pour the tomatoes on her head if she didn't shut-up.

After tomato's I had a piece of pumpkin pie and some apple strudel. After that I felt bloated and walked out with a thankyou and a giant choc-chip cookie. I hadn't eaten a decent meal in days and I had felt a lot better after eating.

"So Hermione, I was wondering what the plans are for Christmas?"

"Well Harry has been wanting to ask if you'd like to come with us to the burrow, you need some cheering up and we all agree that the burrow is the place to be." A smile tugged at my lips as I thought of the idea of Christmas with people who weren't going to be at work. "Ok." I agreed.

I smiled and hugged Hermione before asking what time the train left tomorrow. So quickly, I ran upstairs and packed my stuff together (leaving out the homework). When  
I woke up the next day I felt joy I had lost so very long ago. Almost a lifetime it felt.

Dragging my trunk down the stairs I walked to the Entrance Hall and joined the others. Neville and Luna were also going to their separate houses, I smiled at them and they all seemed to relax, why they were tense I will never know.

"So, shall we go?"

The trip was long and boring but as I waved goodbye to Neville and Luna, I swear I saw a flash of something out of the corner of my eye, but as I looked all I saw was Harry who was talking to Molly. "Is Sirius coming?" Say no, I'm only just getting over him, please fates, oh goddesses, please.

"Only for the dinner." Oh, I guess I have sins that need to be pain, and I haven't sinned- oh right, lust is a sin isn't it? Well it shouldn't be, I understand all the others, but how is lust bad? Is sex bad for you? You can get pregnant and lose weight and….

Wait that last bit was a good thing

Hmm…

I watched as Mrs Weasley hugged Harry, then Ron, Ginny, Hermione then me. "It's so good that you're coming to the burrow for Christmas Aconite."

"I'm sure it'll be very enjoyable." I replied smiling as she turned back to Ron and tell him he gets even more dirt on him these days then he did when he was five. I smiled at them before turning and facing the train, maybe it was a reflection of light I saw.

When we arrived at the Burrow, I as shown to the room I'd be staying in, Bill and Charlie would be coming the day before Christmas, so I'm guessing in three days then. So four more days before I saw Sirius since I left him. I wonder if I will survive. I heard a call from downstairs telling me dinner was ready. I was surprised to see the twins. But I was worried, Fred and George Weasley were very good at putting products of theirs into secret places, for all I know, as I eat this roasted potato, I could find out that I'm going to get turned into a toad.

But nothing happened, to me, it seemed that one of the boys did slip something to Molly's cooking and poor Hermione was left quacking like a duck for the rest of the dinner while the twins were scorned. Although it was good entertainment, when Hermione was able to speak English, she was shouting at the boys. Which was better entertainment.

As I ate dessert, I saw some Pavlova and I was in heaven, then I remember who got me addicted to it and I had ran up to the bathroom quickly to throw-up. I had to excuse myself quickly and in the process I almost tripped on the chair. I didn't even both brushing my teeth this time. I felt the ache return, and I just went straight to bed. I wasn't able to sleep, I was constantly rushing to the bathroom with each memory I had. God I hate heartaches, they're worse then headaches and mind grains and all those things that hurt.

Ginny and Hermione pretended not to notice me running to the bathroom and crying when it hurt so much to breath and my heart continued to ache and break and smash. I felt like I was dying until Mrs Weasley came in and told me to calm down. She gave me a medicine for the vomit and a potion for dreamless sleeping, before I fell asleep I thanked her and I was happy, until Christmas day. Christmas day was a very full day, it was a brilliant day and I was fine, until Mrs Weasley began cooking and I realised he would be coming soon. I sat and I fretted and I almost pulled out my hair, then I heard the _crack_ and there he was, standing in front of me with pants that made me want to grab his ass. And do all the things I've experienced with him all over again on the coffee table, even the heartache. At that moment, I looked him in the eyes and I saw him open his mouth to say something.


	7. Chapter 7

**Silent Truth **

"Ac- " Before he could finish saying my name, Harry greeted him, and asked him question, I snuck out and pretended that Ginny was calling my name from up stairs and quickly ran up with out being asked any questions. Although Hermione and Ginny were asked to help in the kitchen, I was not because I didn't want to throw up on anything.

I lay on my bed and pretended that nothing was going on, I would be fine. So when I was called down to dinner I walked carefully down the stairs. When I sat down, I found myself between Hermione and Ginny. "What's the matter Aconite?" I blinked and found Ginny talking to me.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"So are you feeling better then?"

"Yeah, much better." I looked down at my plate, as I did that, hair slipped out from behind my ears and hid my eyes from the two girls point of view. At that moment, I felt the tears again, and my stomach lurch. I kept my lunch down and I kept my eyes shut tightly to stop the tears.

"Here's the Christmas dinner." Mrs Weasley said as it floated onto the table. I smiled at the food, but although my stomach felt so full, it felt so hungry at the same time. When everyone else began to grab food, so did I.

My favourite is Molly's roast vegetables cooked in garlic and butter with the roast. I had some pumpkin juice because I wasn't aloud firewhiskey and butterbeer didn't taste right anymore. As Christmas dinner went on, I joined in conversations but when dessert came, I saw the Pavlova, it was beautiful, so white and sugary.

I took one bite and fell in love with it. "Still in love with the cake eh?" I looked up to see Sirius smiling at me. I avoided my gaze and nodded as I took another bite of the cake, eating around the icing before then eating it. When dinner was finished we all sat in the main room and had tea and coffee. Bill and Charlie talked about work, Molly and Arthur talked about Percy and how he was writing more, Fred and George talked about work before being scolded and Sirius talked about his work.

I felt the lurch in my stomach and I quickly ran to the bathroom to throw-up. When I looked up, I saw Molly in the doorway. "I think it's time for you to see a healer." Grabbing my hand to guide me to the fireplace. Putting out the fire, she took her bag of floo and handed me some of the green powder.

"You know what to do." Nodding, I stepped in the warm fireplace and dropped the powder, "St. Mungo's." I said before I felt the fire erupt around me and spin until I landed. I fell off balance and caught myself before balancing and waiting for Mrs Weasley. I dusted myself off before she arrived, but when she did, she took her arm in the crook of my arm.

"How can I help you?" The woman at the desk was bored and was playing with a quill.

"Yes, my friend here has a sickness that's unknown."

"Seconde floor." The woman rolled a blonde curl around her finger as she flicked through Witch Weekly.   
Molly smiled at me before taking me to the seconde floor. God I really wanted a coffee to settle my nerves, that or an herbal tea with honey.

We waited in a room filled with old magazines for twenty minutes before a witch called out name. When we entered, a male healer looked at me before taking his wand out and laying it on the table. "What are the symptoms?"

"I've been throwing up lately."

"Do you know why?"

"I've came out of a relationship recently, so I think I'm just getting over it." He shook his head before turning around and looking at the potions in a cabinet and putting the one he had out away and grabbing a silver one.

"Was this relationship a sexual one?"

"Err…"

"Patient information is confidential."

Still feeling uncomfortable, the words stuck in my throat I just nodded my head. He looked at me before nodding approvingly and understandingly, "I see, now Miss-" He looked at his paperwork, "Crimson, I would like you to wash your mouth out with this potion and spit it in the sink."

Mrs Weasley scoffed, and I knew instantly that it was a pregnancy test, but I had no clue how it worked or what colour it should turn. But I did as he said; I rinsed my mouth out and spat the contents into the sink. The silver liquid that I had poured into my mouth was now gold.

"I see, Miss Crimson, you are in your seconde stage of pregnancy."

"What?" Molly and me shouted at him. I stopped to re-think what he had said, obviously I had misheard, it wasn't possibly I used magic to stop it and so did he… I was on the muggle pill and the magic one.

As I told him this (leaving out Sirius' name) he smiled grimly and told me, "That's why you're not suppose to mix them together, they don't work with each other." Oh. OH! OH SHIT! How the hell am I suppose to tell him? I am in big, big trouble and not just with him; one glance at Mrs Weasley told me that I was going to have to tell everyone.

A grim look came over my face at the healer told me my options; I could have the foetus terminated. But the word terminate made me burst into tears, how could  
I? It would be wrong, but he told me it wouldn't be human until a few weeks later but I shook my head and said no. Mrs Weasley told me it was ok, it wouldn't hurt a simple spell but I said no. Nodding her head, the healer told me that I could adopt out, but I told him that if I did then I would already love the child; they both nodded and told me I could always keep the child.

The Healer told me about the stages, and symptoms I might feel because every pregnancy is different, Molly agreed, telling me Ginny was the easiest; she didn't throw up as much. As I listened I absorbed so much information and realised that I could still have my dream of opening a coffee shop. Because a café is bad for a child and I could sell hot chocolate, my little one will grow up eating and drinking healthy meals and sugary drinks, they could help me look after it, and possibly (if the child wanted to) take over the shop. 

Sure I would have to give up a lot, but I can live with it can't I? The hardest thing will be telling Sirius, the other's it would be fine. So when we flooed back, and saw everyone waiting to see what was wrong, I choked out "Give me a few days to get use to the fact." Before running away.

On top of the stairs, far out of view of everyone, I heard Hermione ask, "Is she alright?"

"She will be, the shock is still with her, poor thing." In the middle of the night, when I thought no one was awake, I walked downstairs and sat outside. Breathing in the cool air I gasped when I saw him on the seat. "What's wrong Aconite?" I ran to him as he opened his arms and stroked my hair in that calming way. I looked up and glanced in his eyes. "I didn't know that I couldn't mix them together, I thought that it would still work."

"What would still work?"

"Magic and muggle pregnancy pills and potions, I thought I was safe, I thought I was having safe sex, I thought wrong."

"You're pregnant." I nodded in his chest and he held me close. "Do you want them to know who the father is?"

"I want you to have your job, you love your job, you're close to your god son, but I will tell the child of you no matter what."

"Will you tell the child my name?"

"Only if you want your name known, it's your decision, and your choice, I don't want to have the child with out stories of his/her father."

"No, I rather the child doesn't know my name, I rather the child though I was dead, but I will always be an uncle, I don't want him to fel uncomfortable to know about what our relationship was."

"Ok." I smiled at him and he kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Aconite, I lied to you about something, but I can't tell you what, what I can tell you is half of my fortune goes to you to raise the child." He placed hand on my stomach as he said this. "Tell the baby stories but never of my age, don't tell the baby anything of that, but make-up stories when he asks tricky questions, please Aconite, don't tell the baby it's a Black, the name of the Childs father is Julius Smith, and give the child a unique name that will suit the child, but when it comes to the birth I will be there." After kissing my cheek he turned me around and walked me to the Weasley back door before apparating out of my sight.

"I promise." The next day, at breakfast, I told them to stop eating because I was going to tell them why I went to St. Mungo's.

"Are you going to die?"

"No Ron, I'm healthy."

"… You're pregnant."

"Yes Hermione, I am, and before anyone thinks low of me, I had taken precautions, but muggle and magic shouldn't mix."

"Whose the Father?"

"His last name is Smith."

"Smith, there are million, even more, Smith's out there, even Hogwarts has like eight in each year."

"I rather not give his first name, he asked me not to, but he knows of the child and promises when he gets a job, to help pay for the child."

"Well, do Hermione and I get to be Aunties?"

"Would you?" I asked them as they grinned brightly. I guess telling Sirius had been the easiest part, leaving Hogwarts and telling my mother had been the hardest, she had screamed at me for being stupid and had told me to get an abortion, but I was already showing when I told her, and it was too late. She demanded I adopt out but I refused.

It would be wrong, and she knew it. I never did come to terms with my mother after that, and of course Dad always agreed with mum.

After I left Hogwarts, Sirius gave me enough money to last me for a long time. I rented my self an apartment and necessary furniture. Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Ron bought me baby clothes, toys and a crib. Life was great, every weekend, Sirius would drop over and see how I was going, over a cup of tea (me) and coffee (Sirius) we discussed what we should name the child, tell the child and how life was going.

It was always nice to talk to him, he even bought me some maternity clothes and a few books on pregnancy, every moth I would shown him what the child would be looking like and we would laugh. In the summer holidays, when I was quite large, Harry, Ron and Hermione would come over and talk to me about graduation and what jobs they wanted, I told them what I wanted and they nodded their heads in agreement that it would be an alright place for the child to grow up in.

The child was due in August and it was a week early then I had suspected. I had been making a tea and a coffee while Sirius told me about how great the holidays were going and what was happening when I began to have contractions. At first I thought they were the mock ones. Sirius had placed me in my bed and I began to relax. When he brought in my tea they came again and I spilt the tea all over me.

"Fuck."

"I didn't mean to have it too hot sorry-"

"No, Sirius, my water broke."

"We have to apparate."

"And risk the child being splinched, I don't think so, we're flooing." I changed clothes and had Sirius grab my overnight suitcase while I lent against the wall.

It had been almost eighteen hours of birth and pain when I finally was able to see my child covered in the blood that came from me. I was witness to her first breath and scream/cry. It was an angel's voice in my opinion when she cried. I let go of holding Sirius' hand and held the child, my little girl, my Acacia Rosea Crimson, her lips are as red as how Snow whites was described and her eyes, they were the same colour as mine, but she had a mob of black hair.

"I know a lot of people say this," I began as my friends and family (not blood family) entered the room, "But me and her father made one beautiful baby." I grinned brightly before giving one of my fingers to Acacia to hold. "I love you Acacia Rosea Crimson."

"What made you think of the name?" Sirius asked me, but I knew everyone else wanted to know as well.

"I knew, as soon as I saw her, that she was pure elegance and beauty, although it will feel like a curse at times, she will have a wonderful life, I know it."


End file.
